Creating Healthy Boundaries

Working in the social field for years I have noticed the need of having appropriate boundaries to promote sanity among workers and clients. I believe that everyone who works in the human service field must be trained in this area and be reminded by supervisors about how crucial is to learn the limitations to prevent any type of issue in our society. Boundaries show where I end and where someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership, taking own responsibility and a sense of freedom (Cloud & Townsend, 1992, p.31). Is a doctor able to heal a patient diagnosed with Diabetes when the patient is not determined to change his diet? Can a counselor change the beliefs of a client who grew up in a Muslim family? Or, can a teacher stop a young student from cutting himself? As human service workers we can only contribute so much. Doctors provide information to their patients and give them medical advice. Counselors ask open-ended questions guiding clients to review their thoughts in order to make healthier choices. Teachers have a daily opportunity to relate to students while building healthy relationships. According to Martin (2014), “Human service professionals must establish boundaries in their mental, physical, and emotional lives to determine what falls within their domain and responsibility and what does not” (p.63).

Couple of years ago, I relocated from Atlanta where my main role was to support first time parents for the Healthy Families Program. The criterion to enroll in the program was to have less than 40 points on their initial assessment and to be a first time parent. Parents who had more than 40 points were referred to a mental health worker. In Lynchburg, the Healthy Families program accepts parents with multiple children and clients who score 100 points! The children expose to these parents and caregivers have a high risk of abuse and neglect. This new field opened a new door for me to learn new skills and acquire more training, not only to work with mentally ill clients but to learn the importance of having better boundaries. There is a huge difference between a mom who does not have family support and needs someone who can coach her to accomplish her goals, and a mom who was sexually abused as a child, who has been diagnosed of bipolar disorder and does not have family support. This mother needs more than a family support worker. She needs a qualified mental health support worker who can work with her more than couple of hours per month. She needs counseling and medical treatment as well as a larger support system in place.

About a year ago, one morning, I was in my office in the beautiful campus of HumanKind in Lynchburg. I was the first to come to the office and the silence was unusual, so I decided to have a conversation with God about this situation. God was clear to me. He helped me reflect about what I do and how to do it. That day I understood that the clients I was serving were very special, with very unique needs. He pointed at me that may be I was the first person in their life who could empathize with them. He revealed to me that the parents I was serving were survivors of abuse. They were moms and dads whose boundaries were broken and I was given the opportunity to support and to advocate for their human rights and give them the blessing of confidentiality! By doing this job contentiously I was assigned to a fragile human being, created by God, who was made to have trusting relationships with others. How these clients could trust God if they were not able to trust their own parents? How they can learn to have healthy boundaries when their own siblings and uncles violated their valuable minds and bodies? That morning I decided to dig deeper into the mental field, to value my clients even more and to be more alert on drawing the line of where my role start and ends. I was determined to do my home visits on time, to be firm to say “no” when was necessary, to model appropriate boundaries in the hope that they will do the same for their children. Like the wise Solomon said, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV)

When our boundaries are not appropriate we send the wrong message to the community. We are telling people that we are the fixers of the world! We are not empowering individuals to achieve their fullest potential to become the best caregivers they can be. When we bring a box of food to a home instead of rehearsing a phone call to the local pantry with a fearful client, we are missing the target. The intentions are good but the outcome will be lack of freedom for this individuals. Like Michelle Martin says, if we want to be effective human service professionals, “we must commit to help individuals to develop their necessary skills to become self sufficient and function at their optimal levels, personally and within our society” (2014, p.4). The word of God says that in this world we will have trouble, but Jesus whispers in our ears, “take heart because I have overcome the world” (John 16, 33b, NIV). Jesus has set the example for us. He often stopped his work to seek the presence of the Father. He went to the other side of the river to pray, to talk to God about His people. Jesus cried when Lazarus died, he empathized with children, victims of abuse, poverty and with the sick. He knew the meaning of being rejected! He knew when to stop and get wisdom from Abba. In obedience, Jesus paid the price for the issues of the entire humanity. He was the ultimate rescuer and his sacrifice was, is and will always be enough!